Margot and David

Sorry about the typos. I'm updating using my iPhone.
The word for poop in Japanese is "unko" which sounds just like "uncle," so the kids laugh when I tell them the news.

I am now a poop!!!

Usually I feel like the only one left out of family events, but this most important one met my other sisters through the telephone as well. It was a mutual miss, and we bonded deeply in the simple fact that we were both missing out--a strange way to bond, isn't it? But is was meaningful on my end, that's for sure.

But actually, where we lack the physical experience and memory of “being there,” with the family, we had a very deep and powerful internal experience of tears and emotions and thoughts, one that was maybe freer than the others. We got to feel everything in our own way alone and not performing socially at all. Maybe that's a silly idea.

But oh man, when I called Martha to get an update she was bawling hysterically. Prepanic began to tornado my mind, my heart began to race, and then she managed to spit out, “I’m crying because I’m so happy!” I looked up at the sky. “It’s a boy and a girl!”

"Yes! Yay! You Knew It!" Bubba called Martha from the hospital room, Martha told me, and then I updated my status on facebook, which my family and friends were monitoring. In this way, people all over the country knew about the news before the people in the waiting room did!

I my mind I can see my dad's beaming face, and I can hear my mom’s total tears, and I can hear my aunts' and uncles' voices, and see their beautiful faces, and god I wanted to be there! Damn Japan. But first, of course, I was ecstatic. cloud nine. After I hung up the phone with Martha I suddenly had a desire to work out, so I did push-ups (probably to repress the scream of JOY that wanted to release itself from my body. Even alone in Japan, no screaming aloud. Sudden screaming is only aloud where nobody can hear you and worry about you.)

Yes! Yay! Everything has changed! New responsibilities, new projects to complete. Almost all my family members have said to me,“Now you have an even better reason to come back home!” It goes without saying, the fist grandchild (初孫)"hatsumago", is a big deal, but those two little angels are not the only reason I want to come home. I miss everything.

I wanted to be there so bad this morning!!!! I wonder if my cousin Liz knew that when she emailed and invited me to meditate with her during the birth. I really appreciated that. It hit me deep, since meditating together with another person is a very real way to reside in that place where you both do meet, that spaceless center deep in the heart. Thanks to her, we were both (t)here, in spaceless, timeless spirit. That was awesome.

So yeah, I had an interesting unclem "poop" experience. I can't wait to hear about everyone else's!!!

Sunday

Hideyuki and Jack. 



and Bri



Look at the order!  those spores are so nicely lined up....can you see them under the leaves?

That's Bri way back there. this tree is bigger than it looks. 
I like this picture a lot.  blow it up and look at that moss. 

Hideyuki took Bri, Jack, and me to the holy tree today.  You all might be getting sick of this thing, but I'm sure not!  And look at these beautiful people who talked to me today! 

Underpaintings

Here is the second layer of a new little painting.



And for those of you interested, here are examples of my underpaintings.

This first layer is done very fast: It's unfocused, gestural....a quick sketch to suggest color fields and space--an atmosphere to resonate behind the forms of the particular scene; the chaos behind the content, the underpainting is a secret room that the eyes do not detect but the mind feels and holds lightly as an energetic field and inner structure.

And since oil paint is slightly transparent, the underpainting isn’t completely covered up by the painting.

"Out of chaos comes order." 

another visit to the shinboku 神木 "god tree"

The weather yesterday was heaven, so Daisuke and I visited the shinboku and then played in the crystal river.  

Hanami 花見 flower viewing

Ty, Tricia, and Emily

Yesterday it rained, but that doesn't stop Hanami! I went to a party under the bridge new my house.

Crystal Clear

So Mom, I've finally started that series of 16 small dream/nature studies, of which this is the first. Not quite finished yet. Can you see what it is?


Looking out the city hall widow with my boss--a short, chubby, balding Japanese man with glasses, who looks just like Sogyal Rinpoche,
we conversed in English:

“Today we have a very clear view of Mt. Ishizuchi,” he said.
“Yes, it’s crystal clear.”
“Crystal clear.”
“I love that English word.”
“Crystal clear. Like your paintings.”
“Oh you are so nice.”
“But your paintings are also wet, and breathing, and contain the flow of time. They are alive. Have you been to the exhibit in Matsuyama yet?”
“No. not yet. Whose work?”
“Jimmy Onishi. His paintings are the opposite of yours. They are extremely primitive, loud, bright colors, and have a powerful impact. Yours make us silent.”
“Some people say my paintings make a sound,”
“That means they are alive. Your paintings have an identity. And yes, some of them hum.”
My boss
He then turned around and went back to his computer.

“Oh, and I just found out…I am staying here another year,” he added.

“Thank God! That’s good news for me!!! But you must be sad…”
“Yes, you know me well! It’s bittersweet. I really want to go back to school. But hey, let's have fun working this year!”

I’d love for him to be a teacher again. Teaching junior high school kids with this guy was incredible! We’d spend an entire class talking about our UFO and spiritual experiences in simple English... the kids loved it, shared their own UFO and ghost stories, and nailed “have you ever”.)

Then my teacher moved into city hall to become my boss and head advisor, sitting behind a computer, no kids around at all.

You see, every three or four years Japanese teachers (and city hall workers) move. Teachers move schools, some move cities, some move up and become vice principals or department officials at city hall. My boss is on for a fourth year now, thank god almighty. He’s an amazing boss. For example, when my sister Jane visited he gave me $100 and said,
“Go get drunk with your sister.” But he was also an amazing teacher.

This Japanese custom of changing people around in the spring is fruitful but also sad.

Finally, the end-of-the-year cherry blossoms arrive, and the collective interior question “who is going to move” is answered by the Superintendant, who chooses everyone’s fate.

His choices are not totally random, of course. For example, If a certain teacher isn’t working well at a school, or a certain school needs more masculine energy, teachers get moved.

“This Japanese custom keeps the teachers and schools fresh and balanced.”

‘Makes sense. Spring Cleaning. But having hundreds of people moving, some against their will, is very stressful for everyone.

Just in time for the all-day drinking and eating under cherry trees!
Hanayoridango!花より団子！ Dumplings more than flowers.
check out this great Jimmy Onishi collaboration!

Do you know where this is? Answer below.

Chiiori, that 300-year-old farmhouse in the mountains. Were you right?

peace fam,

I went to Starbucks in Matsuyama with the hip-hop rapper Shing02, and there we discussed Japanese and American views towords public bathing, respecting personal space, homo/hetero sexuality, drug laws, and the overall moods of rebellion vs. conformity, individuality vs. membership, modern vs. traditional, disrespect vs. respect. America vs. Japan. Shingo is in a particularly integral position because he has lived in vanguard California for the past 15 years as a Japanese Artist. Our conversation was caffeinated and fantastic. Notes coming soon.

The other day, while eating lunch with some third graders, I was taking apart my empty milk carton in a way different than theirs, and they were saying, “no no, you can't do it that way! Do it this way!’ And I just kept doing it my way, and the kids at my table were laughing and saying “No, no, stop! Sensei, he's doing it wrong!” having a great time, and then, one of the other kids in the classroom who looked quite grumpy blurted out, “Moh, iiyo! Jibun no yarikata demo ii shi.” Which means: “Enough already! Doing things your own way is ok too.”

Deep wisdom entered into the classroom. I stopped unfolding my milk and asked him to repeat what he just said. The boy looked to his teacher confused, but she and I were on the same page. “What you just said about letting others do it their own way..that was wonderful. Say it again, please,” she said.
So he did, and the teacher and I both said to him: “Very good. Nice idea.”

I finally finished unfolding my milk and the little girl next to me held up her empty carton, pushed her thumbs into the center of the top and magically had the thing unfolded in two seconds.
“See? This way is faster.” She said.
“Wow! I see. Thank you for teaching me! You are also a very good teacher.”
Moral of the story: Respecting that there is a rainbow of ways to do things is good, but that doesn't mean that all ways are equally efficient.
All is light, and some lights are faster than others.

Who watches the watchmen?

warning. this post includes Japanese and European master artists' hyperreal depictions of genitalia and erotic acts,
as well as the naked Dr. Manhattan.



hokusai
Courbet

Leonardo



"In art, immorality cannot exist. Art is always sacred" - August Rodin

I just saw Watchmen on the big screen. $18 and it was worth it, because I loved the comic and thought from beginning to end this thing was right on the money. I few changes, but necessary for the length.  

My cousin, who I deeply respect, saw it, liked it, and told me that the media in America is jumping all over Dr. Manhatton's cg penis.
I checked it out, and sure enough, he was right. I guess critics are uncomfortable not addressing the fact that there is a naked man in the film, and that his penis is uncircumcised. and big. sounds like penis envy? And valid, as far as that goes.  
                                       Sometimes people want distraction from sexual energy?
My two cents--the explanation I sent to John was that you know the general rule is "repression leads to obsession, which leads to distraction," and in this case that’s distraction from the rest of the film, from other characters in a scene, or from any meaningful criticism.   

But this rather predictable response from the media is not shallow. It's actually the tip of very deep iceberg, one that reaches down into the depths of our shared homophobia, erotiphobia, genitalphobia, and the power-politics that go with them. (John Ince is the man)

Our culture’s general repression of the penis is evident in the lack of them in movies, on alians, but also in the social norm to not look down in a group shower, or not compare size at the urinal. These last two norms are not evident in Japan though, (which is fine with me). 

A 15-year-old student was standing next to me in the bathroom staring down at my peen and I said, “What are you doing?” He looked up and said “What, Is looking at other penises rude in America?”
“Yes, it is." I said, and laughed. 

It shouldn't be, though. After all, we compare other body parts, other muscles, why not penises? It’s because we have eroticized the penis, and "sex is dirty and bad." (?) Therefore looking at one is considered “gay” or “peeping” or whatever. If it wasn't erotic, then it wouldn't be a big deal, seeing a naked blue man would be no big deal, and heterosexuals could give each other handjobs like they can give each other massage. This is not the case in our culture.

I went on to talk about genitalphobia, which I find fascinating, and ended by anticipating the Japanese people's reaction to Dr. Manhattan's penis. It will be very different, considering this culture's fame for having the most erotic comic books on earth. Compare erotic arts from Japan 1800 with erotic art from Europe 1800 and you will see a big difference. Here, adult men read "cartoon porn" at convenience stores, and general pornography is more acceptable, accessible, respectable, than in America. Japan has come to terms with its perversion, moved on, while America hasn't, and so we get caught in these discussions about whether genitals are fundamentally dirty or not....it's pathetic, and yet, it's there. When are we going to come to terms with our genitals and erotic arts? That's another great art history class: Human Genitals.

Japan is so interesting though, because, in order to keep genitals erotic, in (most) porn movies (real and cartooned) the genitals are fuzzed out. Paradoxical, and yet it makes sense. At first I though this was part of their own genitalphobia, but now I'm beginning to think it's just the opposite. Fuzzing out the genitals actually saves them from media mutilation. It keeps the real experience more exciting as well, I can imagine.

Snow-viewing doors

I visited the Hirose house today. This is a historic mansion that is now a park and museum. 
Hanami Flower Viewing has begun, and these trees are now at "sanbu zaki" or 30% bloom.  As soon as they start blooming people begin picnicking beneath them...it's beautiful in Japan this time of year. See the picnickers?

This is a view from Hirose's "Smoke-viewing room."  He liked to watch the ships out there in the Seto-naikai Sea. My apartment is down there by the sea. You can see it if you know where to look.

In the stunning old Japanese house were a few glass windows, extremely rare to have in Japan in those days, and these here acted as the home’s yukimishoji, 雪見障子、which means: snow-viewing sliding doors.

“The glass protects you from the cold wind! Isn’t that wonderful?” Our guide was as excited as we were.

The glass was old and warped, which made the scene beyond look dreamy and drawn.

It made me think about art. People often experience paintings like a window, an opening into a soul. The viewers get to peer into these inner worlds from the safety of the gallery wall, or a couch in a living room. Paintings are like yukimishoji. The cold, biting winds of those subjective worlds don't make it in. Warm and safe behind slightly warped glass, we unflinchingly face the world beyond. I think of the gifts of dark, erotic arts, fantastic realists, surrealists. confronting the demons, the nightmares.
Facing your fears is easy with practice. Thats what the picture cards are for.

I guess we could say that painters, like actors, like shamans, like butoh dancers, go to those dark, inner worlds, and come back build a yukimishoji, and take the others there, safely.