Friday, May 12, 2006

Is that a UFO?

I was looking at this photo (one of my all time favorites i have taken so far) and i noticed a UFO. I love this world.

Saijo, the city next to mine, is famous for having the best water in all of Japan. And I learned tonight that the neighborhood in the center of the city gets all its water directly from the ground for free. That is fuckn great.
I went to Saijo tonight to see one of my friends dj at a club. And, there I had a very powerful experience. It dawned on me; I am meeting all these people, touching their hands, looking into their eyes, so I affect them, and their precious human lives. Whenever we meet, that is, whenever our lives cross, for however brief a meeting, a transfer of energy takes place. Or a transmission of consciousness. I found myself falling in love with everyone I met. They were all so beautiful, even the ones who wouldn't even look me in the eyes as they met me. I touch their hands, and felt their lives. So many times before I took meeting people for granted. Yeah, nice to meet you. Take care. But for the first time, I really felt the energy that passes between us. Total strangers influence each other in so many ways.

And then, as i was talking with some friends, I had this clarity, this understanding, that the purpose of my life is to love. To love others. To love my self. I brought this up with them in Japanese, that love is actually the purpose of the entire universe, the reason it manifested in the first place, and the reason my cells stay together and the atoms in my body don't explode.

I then started saying that the sun is in our blood, like how the sun is in paper. The atmosphere in my lungs, the earth in my blood and bones. I can’t be here without the sun. The sun is my mother. And Space is the mother of the sun. And who is the mother of all space? The Now. My heart. Meeting strangers. Shaking their hands. Falling in love with Life.

I then started spouting this philosophy in Japanese. I don't know why. Its like i was on a role, and they were interested and understanding me. I talked about the chakras, how animals have the lower ones and angels and non-human bodhisattvas have the higher ones, but humans are the only ones with all seven charkas, which makes our life so difficult, to have animal and angles capacities all inside this little space. It hurts sometimes. But, it also means that through our bodies we can unite heaven and earth, emptiness and form.

I talked about the crown chakra, the self that never dies because it was never born. The only thing that doesn't change. The present moment. The Presence. And how the Now moment that was two hundred years ago is the same Now moment Now. And the now that will be in ten thousand years is the same now Now. I was saying all this in Japanese. And one of my friends, Kamaji, (in the blue shirt) looked into my eyes with his big beautiful eyes, as if he was asking me to keep going, keep going. Like he needed this. Like finally someone was saying what he has been thinking and feeling. And after I talked about how our bodies are made of the same energy as the stars, he asked, “Then, what is me?” And I asked him if he was too look for himself, where would he find it? And he put his hand on his chest. And I asked him to feel into that self. What does it feel like? And he said it is like the sky. With all sorts of different weather in it. Right on! I thought. HE asked "But where does that self live, if it is not just in my body and in my thoughts?" And I told him the first thing that came to my mind. I said "you live in three bodies."

When I was dancing, I was surfing between that trance like state where all time stops and its only me and the music flowing through my body, and a state concerned with the others watching me dance. I moved in and out of two selves, two dances, two states of mind.

I realized that even if most of the time I am concerned with what others think of me, (making me their prisoner, to some degree) there are also times when I break free from that mode and move freely. And how sweet those moments are, those moments of freedom.

Do you ever get into those states where you remember shit you did when you were in middle school and feel stupid for being so stupid? Regretting the past. You know that feeling? That thought train? Or how about that desire to relive a situation with all your hindsight. If only I could go back to that time! If only if only if only. I wonder if my friends remember that time I was so stupid. I wonder if I should apologize for taking advantage of them, or manipulating them, or using them. I think these thoughts sometimes.

And then, what I find so funny is that in reality, all those people I was stupid around, they probably don't care at all. They have their OWN memories to relive and regret. They have their own novel to read and reread. Who give s a shit about mine?
I know this, because when I look back, I don’t care about how stupid other people were.

People don't care. They have their own lives and choices and fuckups to occupy themselves.
This is very liberating, I think.


Anonymous said...


TrixSta said...

About your junior high school thing about remembering stupid things you did and almost reliving the shame and wondering if you should call...I do that all the time and then, just now, (you touching my life again :)) I tried to think about stupid things my friends did , ie the same as me and I couldn't think of one. My life isn't only centered around me BUT I think we forgive alot more from other people than we do ourselves and most often times, the stupid things we did were only moderately strange and perhaps normal to others, it was only to ourselves that we saw (and see) the big red jerk painted on our face.
ps love the sakura painting

lau said...

well it is definately flying and it is unidentified, so i can't argue with that.

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May all beings be Free and in Love.

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