Sunday, June 12, 2005


Right now i am in grass vally california, living in a house made of hay and clay, a timber frame, totally self sustainable, with a windmill, well, and solar panels, AND, the family, whoes parents are followers of yogananda and practice kriya yoga, and their four kids, two of which are addopted from india, are vegitarian, no tv in the house, (there is one is the yongest son's room), all seem very happy, their skin glows, did i mention they own dawn publications who puts out childrens books about the environment. and they talk about beauty and death and the meaning of life and the depth and textures in this dream we call our reality, are skeptical of paths leading to god, as if we were ever separated, etc, etc, and their home is complete with a garden/small farm, two cats, a cute doggy, and it is all perched on a mountain overlooking a raging river, humming insects and frogs and the windmill and the river rush us to sleep, we sleep in the barn, and open air garage also made of clay, shit this is peaceful shit, with beauty so radiant, so full, i wish to hurl myself to the ground in supplication and reverance and surrender, to the awsome beauty, the wild flowers and the wheat, so silent, and yet each proclaiming a thounderouse certainty too loud to ignore. i canont ignore this. This morning, sunday, i woke and sat with a bunch of other citizens in a meditation hall, in front of shrine with pictures and sculptures of jesus, mary, yogananda, babaji, buddha, avalokiteshvara, and more, singing about the spirit and love in us, om, peace, amen, i am he, i am she, blessed spirit, i am he, i am she, ...feeling the stillness and darkness from which all light springs, and knowing that love alone will heal all the pain we feel, and then we went to "ananda," the nearby spirtual community, to their sunday service, outside, by the lotus pond, the preachers, cloaked in white and yellow, talked about christ conciousness, and the citizens inside us that judus, mary, and jesus symbolize, how judas askes us to get back to the world, to our work, to our money, and mary asks us to come back to devotion, to surrender, to forgivenenss, and Jesus is the light in our forheads that guids us up the spiralling ladder that is our soul, etc, etc, afterward i walked around the pond, oh i wish to hug the ground, the radiance, the land, and as i do, hear her whisper faintly in my ears "you are hugging your self. dont you know? this is your body, your heart you hug. your eyes are my eyes. your body, my body. so dance and sing on the surface of my face, feel the love, and peace and grace." the earth will call to me like the moon on a crystal clear night, and i will follow her song. follow her song deeper than the earth, deeper than my feelings, than my thoughts, deeper than my thoughts, i find my heart. deeper than the earth, a shimmering radiance pours out from my heart, and i fill up with a love and reverance for this preciouse opportunity---to be alive on earth, to walk on this rock, this being, to be alive in this body, skinny, queer, and full of creativity, feeling, sadness, happiness, to be in this body to witness it all unfold, heaven and earth, from the stillness, from the darkness, comes the light. the Light. and this Light shines through me onto this land, so i can see it shimmer in the afternoon sun. and this Light shines though me onto my body, so i can feel it suffer and love and ache and get high, and is shines through my mind onto my thoughts so I can get lost in my drama again and again. This Light, This Awareness, the unformed conciousness, pure subjectivity, the pure Self that sees but can never be seen, the Witness that is the mirror-mind of all space and time, the radiant Emptiness that is the transparancey of the entire allness that is my universe, the Nature of all natures, the Condition of all conditions, so many names and discriptions for the spaciouse Presence of Awarenss that i am, The Source, the Suchness, the Spirit, the Self, the Heart, the Light, flowing within all things, dwells inside as my own formless essence, my own one allness, my own birthless deathlessness, my own buddhamind, my simple feeling of being, blablah blah geeko.
well, um, ok, now that that is said, i hope you are having fun to. next time you go for a walk or bikeride, look out at the colorful disply projected around you, or in you, or you, and think of your death.

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May all beings be Free and in Love.

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