Thursday, June 09, 2005

red rocks

We just passed the "vally of the gods" utah, the sun is gone, and we are surrounded by dark purple beings standing over us like gods, so it seems, on our way to the "vally of the goblins." i remember the daylight; pink earth adorned with mintgreen bushes, red rock monuments, gray, black, cream, purple, blue hills and mountains taking my eyes back to the sky, where black birds soar and tumble, across the celestrial stage, earth, the land, i feel small. I saw the grand canyon today. it took my breath and my eyes away, i imagined leaping into it like a bird.
Both my travel mates eat meat, so i am constantly watching my mind get defensive and rightuouse, prideful and pregnant with arguments for care, deturmoned to proove they are wrong, dishing out guilt and expecting them to take it, how absurd, i still am. The three of us get trapped again and agian in philisophical debates-what is suffering? is it useful? should we elleviate it? what is arrogance? trancendence? spirit? can god be any thing? (can it be entered or united)? is there a path? is there time? who am I? relative and ultimate truths that are identicle, nonesense, chewing gum for our minds, and mouths, we finally decide, thank god. the clouds and mountains wait patiently for us to shut up and return. to be with the land, in the car, with our bodies (because that is where we are). it is funny that as we become enchanted with the colors and shapes of the land our mouths stop flapping; the silence shows we are here and lost in the land, or taht we are finally found in a mindfullness within which no arguments or philisophy can survive. lost in the dream, becasue is it a good fuching dream, full of sunsets and stars, mountains changing so slowly time aches.
sunsets, stars, planets, people, dust, and blues on the radio--alone on the road in the middle of nowhere, darkness lies beyond our carlights, a glowing dome of sky sits above and inside: a mindscape, a landscape of consiousness, a slight headache and hunger, a sadness, a longing for friends and my mother, my mother, my mommy, so beautiful, and sad, her sorrow and sadness also sits with me on the road. Sadness for my leave, my leap to the road, and to Japan, and i remind her and myself that it will not last, nothing does, accept for a Love inside that connects us, surrounds us, and stands way, way outside of time. the love in us that softly merges into a space where we are not seperate but are one. Now i will nap and wait for the goblins. i miss my sisters too.

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