looking home

So ill be home soon, in less than two weeks. And many JETs are returning to their home countries for good in two weeks. Last weekend I went to Matsuyama to say goodbye to some of those friends. Everyone looked so beautiful, was so nice and glowing with value and personality and warmth. It was sad.

When I get home I want to see so many people, but at the same time I want to spend a lot of time with just a few people. I’m afraid I will fall in love all over again and then leave all over again. But that's life isn’t it? Falling in love and leaving. People coming and going, stars being born and then dying.

I will get a taste of the life I left, a tiny petitfore of that love, and then I will race away from it again. Sounds stressful.

I want to eat at pochi’s and I want to go to the Rime center.
And to you all,
I want to see you so much. I want to kiss you and hold your hands. I want to listen to your stories for hours and then make food with you and then eat it while looking at your face. I want to walk with you and not talk at all. I want to make music with you. I want to teach you some of the childrens’ games I've learned.

I forgot to tell you this story. During the painting show, every morning the owner, a lovely, tiny old man with white hair and a permanent smile, would sprinkle salt outside the front door and call out some sort of prayer. This is common for old cafés and coffee shops in Japan. It’s to attract customers while also keeping angry spirits out. He also used to go out into the garden and clap periodically throughout the day. This was to scare away angry spirits and/or attract the birds (I heard both explanations).

So, back to the story…One day, while I was sitting in the quiet gallery, I decided to take a break from my post and go for a walk by the rice fields. Looking into the water I saw the strangest looking creatures, hundreds of them all scurrying about. They were the size of tadpoles but looked more like aliens. When I got back to the gallery some of the older people (2 old men including the owner and 4 older ladies) asked where I went. “We were worried about you.”
I told them about finding the creatures and I drew them a picture in my notebook. Before I knew it the two old men were running back inside, hands dripping, holding some of the creatures! One of the ladies quickly got a bowl from teh kitchen and the men dumped in their catch. Some of the other customers then came over to have a look. We all gazed dreamily into the bowl. “What are the called?” one of the ladies asked. A voice called out in Japanese “Well, those are Horseshoe shrimp.” (Translated as samurai helmet shrimp, kabutoebi). The owner got a toothpick and flipped one over. It looked so much like its cousin, the horseshoe crab of the sea, with its armor shell and 60 or so legs constantly moving and rippling. One of the old men then came back inside again and dumped in a tiny green one. “This is a baby,” he said. It looked like a piece of algae with two black beads for eyes, happily swimming around. Suddenly, before all our eyes, one of the creatures swam over to the baby and ate it.
“Impermanence,” the man on my left muttered.
“He’s gonna have green poop soon,” said the old lady on my right.

Here are some pics from my latest trip to Matsuyama and dogo onsen, as well as a shot of the secret garden in my town and some clouds covering the mountains. also is my apartment building with clouds. and here are some haiku.

inside the window
clouds kiss the mountain curtain
then the dragonfly

clouds crawl over hills
slide across rivers and then
fall into my mouth

could you please tell me
why the playing of the clouds
always calms my mind?

above the city
cloud angles slow dance and kiss
mountains and my mind

there was never death
clouds rain into themselves
sun shines a blanket

vast spacious sky mind
inside of you, the mountains,
clouds, and athlete’s foot

even though he’s small
the cockroach contains all worlds,
suns, universes

the five sunflowers
on my porch next to the trash
might open today